


The Silmarillion Songbook

by Quantumphysica



Category: Frozen (2013), TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Singing Along Is Mandatory, Song parodies, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-02-04 21:32:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1793869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quantumphysica/pseuds/Quantumphysica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teach your children the joys of silmaril hunting, balrog slaying, oath-swearing, kinslaying and much more... through the power of song!<br/>(A collection of songs and nursery rhymes, about subjects that may or may not be suitable for your children's ears...) </p><p>1) Fingolfin's Fight Song (A Frozen Parody)<br/>2) We Did Start The Fire (A First Age Anthem)<br/>3) The Lady Is A Tramp (A Duet, by Caranthir and Haleth)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fingolfin's Fight Song

**Author's Note:**

> This collection will be random, silly, and continuously enlarged whenever the fancy strikes.  
> My inspiration is usually my little sister, whose many talents include karaoke, finding rhyme words, and courageously using a wooden spoon as sword... (Credit to those who deserve it xD)
> 
> I am always open to suggestions. If there is a scene or part of the Silmarillion you would like to see put in song, just tell me! Also, feedback is appreciated.

Morgoth?

...

Don't you wanna come and fight me?

I'm all here by myself!

Am I not all you hate?

Open your gate!

Are you scared of just one elf?

You used to be all brawly,

And now you're not.

Is it 'cause you're a craven dog?

Don't you wanna come and fight me?

Or do you lack the guts to fight me...

....

**Go away, Fingolfin.**

Not a chance!

...

Don't you wanna come and fight me?

Just to make me shut up?

'cause it don't look good on you,

All this shit I spew,

Your men will think it's true!

You don't have the balls,

To be the foe of all;

And I bet you're ugly too!

Don't you wanna come and fight me?

I guess you don't dare to fight me...

...

*insert angry Morgoth here*


	2. We Did Start The Fire (A First Age Anthem)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Timeline of the First Age, erratically set to the melody of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire".

**We Did Start The Fire (A First Age Anthem)**

Promised land, holy trees, who the hell set Melkor free  
Palantiri, Tengwar, Silmarils, all fine so far

Paranoia, jealousy, Melkor is a gossip queen  
Double-cross, Formenos, sword-smithing, enmity

Morgoth does his evil thing, mega spider, darkening,  
Useless gods, murdered king, confusion and stolen bling

Oaths sworn, doomtide, Alqualondë genocide,  
Boat theft, prophecies, stubbornness and Noldor pride

_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken but our oath unbroken;** _  
_**we did start the fire, yeah we set the place alight but they all joined the fight.**_

Losgar, arson, some preemptive treason  
Helcaraxë, orc attacks and Dagor Nuin Giliath

Balrog-aided immolation, enemy misinformation  
Diplomatic incident, Maedhros kind of needs a hand

Moonrise, sunrise, Fingon to Thangorodrim,  
Mereth Aderthad, apologies and abjuring

Lack of tact, Quenya ban, Thingol’s not our greatest fan,  
Long peace, siege war, we don’t really have a plan

_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken but our oath unbroken;** _  
_**we did start the fire, yeah we set the place alight but they all joined the fight.**_

Hidden cities, Aftercomers, migration, marriage problems  
Siege breaks, Sudden Flame, Fingolfin gives Morgoth pain

Oaths, quests, politics, Curufin’s up to his tricks  
Finrod absconds, shit goes down in Nargothrond

Carcharoth, bitter pill, Thingol’s got a Silmaril  
Nirnaeth Arnoediad, worst idea we ever had

Treason, blood and devastation, Maglor does decapitation  
Oath’s awake, before long, this is where it all goes wrong

_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken but our oath unbroken;** _  
_**we did start the fire, yeah we set the place alight but they all joined the fight.**_

Morgoth is a fucking bastard, Turin a walking disaster  
Dwarves sack Menegroth, now we just might have a shot

Affray, slaying kin, Evil locates Gondolin  
Eärrame, Vingilotë, we are never gonna win

Third time’s not the charm, no Silmaril in Sirion  
The war is lost, the battle won, is this all we are so done!

_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken but our oath unbroken;** _  
_**we did start the fire, yeah we set the place alight but they all joined the fight.**_

War of Wrath, tit for tat, Valar on the warpath  
Demons, dragons, fight ensues, Morgoth at last gets his due

Stealing gems, suicide, Breaking of Beleriand,  
Silmarils are us denied, it’s over now, but what a ride!

_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken but our oath unbroken;** _  
_**we did start the fire, yeah we set the place alight but they all joined the fight.**_  
_**We did start the fire, and the doom was spoken, but our Oath unbroken;**_  
_**we did start the fire, and when we are gone, it will burn on and on, and on, and on…**_


	3. The Lady is a Tramp (Caranthir & Haleth Duet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga's duet version of "The Lady is a Tramp"... brought to you by Caranthir Fëanorion and Haleth of the Haladin. You're welcome.

**The Lady Is A Tramp – Caranthir and Haleth**

_C:        She’s out on the front lines, causing enemies pain...”_

_Don’t call her princess; she is a chieftain_

H:     I never bother with people I disdain

That’s why this chick is a tramp

_C:        She doesn’t like crap games, with elf lords and such_

_(More’s the pity)_

H:       Won’t wear dresses, they restrict me too much

And I definitely won’t hide in a fight; I’m with the rest of the guys (Thank-you!)

_C:        That’s why the lady is a tramp!_

 ...

H:       I love the feel of my feet in the sand

_C:        Sword in her hand_

H:       Oh I’m so broke

_C:        It’s OK_

H:       I hate Beleriand, it’s orc-filled and damp!

_C:        That’s why the lady is a tramp_

H:       (I’m a tramp)

... 

H:       Sometimes I plan to go west

_C:        Or you could stay here?_

H:       And I think of new places

_C:        I’m saddened to hear_

H:       I’ll lead my people onward

_C:        She won’t shed a tear…_

_C/H: That’s why the lady is a tramp!_

... 

H:       I love to ride with you

_C:        In the hills of Thargelion_

H:       (Oh yes)

We’d look at the sky all night, and still wake with the sun.

_C:        She gets in fistfights and then calls it fun!_

H:       (Yes I do)

That’s why this lady is a tramp!

... 

 _C:        She likes the green_ (green) _grass_ (grass) _under her shoes_

H:       What can I lose, 'cause I got no dough _(oh no?)_

I'm all alone when I lower my lamp…

_C:        That's why the lady is a tramp!_

_Go!_

... 

H:       I love your free fresh, I love your blush and your angry ripostes!

_C: **That’s** what you love most?_

H:       But I am so broke,

_C:        That's OK!_

_Hates Beleriand, it's cold and it's damp!_

_C/H: That's why the lady is a tramp_

_That's why this lady is a tramp_

H:       That's why the lady is a tramp…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been wanting to do more of these Silmarillion songs for pretty much ever, and when I heard this one on the radio it just came to me. I liked this for Haleth and Caranthir for a multitude of reasons:
> 
> For one, the song is originally about a trailblazing woman who does what she likes and has no time for putting on airs, which to me is very much a Haleth sort of attitude.
> 
> Then, I also loved that the conversation going on between the two characters in the duet speaks of both a snarky sort of friendship as well as respect, but not romantic love (in the original, the wife of the male character is mentioned, as well as the fact that the female character is single, a part I kept.) Personally I ship Haleth and Caranthir from here all the way to Valinor and back, but I know not everyone does. Also, the fact that in canon the appreciation Caranthir had for Haleth was based on her prowess as a warrior and her steadfastness as a leader, rather than her romantic appeal, is kinda important. The song here can be interpreted both shippy and non-shippy for this reason.
> 
> AKA my life advice: find someone who looks at you like Caranthir looked at Haleth. Because that's the sort of thing every person needs in their life.
> 
> Sorry for dodgy rhymes. It should work when you sing it!   
>    
>  _For people who follow the rest of my work, now non-updated for over a year... I'm so very sorry. The past year I earned my bachelor's degree (yay!) which ate up most of my time then, and right now I'm trying to get my master's degree, which includes a full time internship and a thesis I'm terrified I won't be able to finish. In short, things have been insanely stressful. It's a shitty excuse, but it's the only one I have. I try to keep writing, but the going's tough and the excess stress makes me ridiculously self critical. I don't want to disappoint anyone. Again, I'm very sorry. Next academic year things should be better!_


End file.
